The Myth of Casual Sex

I have yet to find a person who will make an argument for the morality of “casual” sex. There are some who will argue it is not immoral, but I don’t think “It’s not hurting anyone” is a good reason to do anything.

In fact, I don’t believe there even is such a thing as casual sex. I just think some people are unaware that sexual activity among humans involves more than just body parts.

My book, Sacred not Sinful spends several chapters expanding our understanding of sexuality beyond procreation, pleasure, or even partnership into the space where sex becomes a form of prayer (or a spiritual practice). I think that sex always involves all of these things but sometimes people are unaware or unconscious about the reality they are creating.

This lack of awareness comes from cultural and religious ignorance. The separation of the material from the spiritual has been so complete in the Western world that even Christian sexual ethics carry an unspoken assumption that sex is a bad physical desire that only becomes “not bad” when it takes on a divine purpose in the context of marriage.

My work is designed to elevate the beauty of intimacy while suggesting that the body can be an appropriate avenue for its expression. At the same time, sex is not always the appropriate avenue for intimate expression, and sometimes it is an inappropriate expression (even for married people). There are also ways that sex can be sinful (just as food, business, and words can be sinful) and these are outlined in my book.

However, more importantly, sexual ethics need to provide a framework for cultivating our experience of intimacy and sexuality in ways that reflect our personal maturity, Christian identity, and our capacity as humans to express love with integrity, freedom, and skill.

Most people assume the Bible just says married sex is good and unmarried sex is bad (and don’t be gay). But it actually has a much more nuanced, beautiful, and practical moral framework.

If you want to discover what this looks like for yourself, here’s a few chapters from my book (over 40 pages) that you can start reading for free!

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