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How to Overcome the Challenges of Sexual Diversity in the Church

Last fall I was “dis-invited” from the church community where I had found so much life and joy in my new city! I was making friends, training to be a sound technician for the worship team (which I love), and even helping some people have better relationships through my work.

The External Challenge of Community

Then, somebody disagreed with me over a post I made on Facebook. I still don’t know who they are, but I do know that their inability to navigate a diversity of Biblical perspectives meant we couldn’t be in relationship anymore. Conversations were had about me – without me, until a heart-felt and sad moment where I learned what the church leaders had decided must be done.

The only way I could stay, they said, was if I chose to recant my beliefs and choose theirs instead. We couldn’t worship together unless we had the same beliefs about sex (or unless I could keep mine a secret).

The same thing happened at the last job I loved where I was asked to hide my writing about sexuality because some people would not be able to handle it. Back then, I consented and covered up the beautiful gift of truth that God was given me. This time, though, I was already too public.

The Internal Challenge of Fear

I thought about giving up my book, about covering up my work, about going back inside the closet and becoming a shroud of mystery instead of shining a light on the darkness that is sexual ethics in the modern church…

Losing relationships like this is my greatest fear. It has crippled my ability to serve, to lead, to thrive, and to enjoy a life full of love and freedom! I’m afraid of being rejected for getting the “wrong” answer.

But in this moment, one thing saved me.

My Key to Freedom

The day before the fatal meeting, I had fallen deeply into prayer and my whole body was filled with the truth that God. Loves. Sex.!

I don’t know why this was so profound for me to realize. It is something I have known for years now, but in some ways I think it is still hard for me to believe. There is so much abuse and ignorance and fear and shame that surround sexuality among Christians that it is hard to remember sex can be something sacred, not sinful.

But that is why I wrote my book. That is why I share what I do in these public spaces. Because I have hope that something better is possible!

Hope for the Future

I believe that the war between faith and sexuality can come to an end in my lifetime as we recognize the truth of Scripture and learn how to love one another through our diverse experiences and expressions of intimacy.

You don’t have to agree with me to be in relationship with me because I know that Truth is bigger than any of us…and that together we will come to a deeper understanding of the mystery of God in the world.

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