Polyamory and the Bible

Guess what the number one question that people are asking me about sex these days….

❌ It’s not about premarital sex – most people have decided what they think about this question.

❌ It’s not about homosexuality – most people have decided what they think about this question.

✅ The number one area of curiosity that I hear about right now is polyamory.

Biblical Principles Related to Polyamory

My book “Sacred not Sinful: A New Christian Sexual Ethic” addresses a number of biblical principles foundational to answering this question (especially in the chapters on Adultery, Porneia, and Purity). It may be one of the first Christian book on sexual ethics to present a biblical framework beyond “married = moral” or “love who you love.”

It may be one of the first Christian books
on sexual ethics to present a biblical framework
beyond “married = moral” or “love who you love.”

Sacred not Sinful: A New Christian Sexual Ethic

┅ Get your copy at www.drkevinjenson.com/books ┅

But I want to do more than just hint at an answer.

This question of #polyamory #nonmonogamy and #openrelationships is about to hit the church hard…and we need a better response than “don’t do it” or “don’t judge it.”

A life of wisdom calls us to understand why we make the moral and ethical decisions that we do…and be able to explain it to others.

Understanding what the Bible says About Polyamory

Here are some of the complicated issues we have to address in order to do this successfully:

1. A majority of our biblical heroes practiced polygamy – marrying multiple women.
   • The common Christian explanation about why we don’t this practice is that the entire old-testament is a backhanded critique of having multiple partners (it seemed to make life difficult).
   • This logic is difficult to uphold when you realize it suggests the entire Old Testament is a backhanded critique of following God for the exact same reasons (it seemed to make life difficult).
   • So how do we respond do this example of “biblical marriage”?
2. How did the Hebrews rationalize the practice of Levirate marriage…apparently all the way into the New Testament?
   • Is there a different standard for men than for women when it comes to the number of permitted sexual partners?
3. Adultery meant a violation of another man’s property rights (which that man could relinquish by writing on a paper – in the practice of divorce)….
   • Jesus had some additional thoughts on divorce, and on adultery, which may completely change how we understand this term. [for a background on this topic, read Chapter 16 of my book “Sacred not Sinful: A New Christian Sexual Ethic.”
   • Adultery hinged upon the marital status of the woman, not the man. Does this imply a different standard?
4. The Greek word “porneia” has been translated as fornication (extramarital sex) in the English Bible.
   • This translation is not accurate to the Greek meaning of the term, nor to its rhetorical use in the New Testament.
     • See Chapter 18 of my book “Sacred not Sinful: A New Christian Sexual Ethic.”
     • See my original presentation on this finding to the Southeastern Association of Cultural Studies.
   • Does it have anything to contribute to our understanding of Polyamory?
5. The qualification for church elders in the New Testament include “husband of one wife.”
   • Why would this need to be specified? And why was it a requirement for church leadership but not for everyone?
   • Does this mean that unmarried people or women cannot serve as elders in a church community?
6. Let the marriage be held in honor…and the marriage bed undefiled
   • What did the idea of purity and “defiled” mean to the original readers?
   • What did a marriage bed symbolize?
7. The only people we read about in the Bible who had more than one partner for sex or for marriage were men.
   • A woman did not have sexual agency in the Bible. It belonged to her father, and then to her husband.
     • e.g. the sad story of Lot has several examples to contribute to our understanding of this concept.
   • Is this practice a reflection of a patriarchal society or of the original created order?
8. What can we learn from the Old Testament laws about Virginity and marriage?
   • Virginity was a status that applied only to women, so again we have to wrestle with an apparent double standard.
   • This concept was used in the Old Testament and New Testament to describe the relationship between Israel/The Church and God.
   • How do we honor the symbolic meaning without perpetuating some unhealthy cultural paradigms?
9. What is the Biblical purpose of sex and marriage?
   • It is traditional to think of sex and marriage as the same thing in the Bible. However, this may only be a reflection of a culture where marriage occurred in the early teen years.
   • The Old Testament purpose of marriage seems to be exclusively one of procreation. The New Testament suggest a purpose and symbolism beyond this.
10. Solomon describes a concubine as a “delight of the sons of men.” Does this suggest another purpose for sex besides procreation?
    • Wives and concubines seemed to occupy a unique place in Hebrew society…and the idea of a “kept woman” can be seen across multiple cultures.
    • Again, do we have an example of where there is a “kept man”?
11. Does the Bible have any standards to help us differentiate between healthy/unhealthy expressions of non-monogamy or is the only biblical model for healthy relationships one of sexual exclusivity?
12. How does the relationship between the New Testament and the Old Testament inform our understanding of sin, holiness, marriage, and sexuality?
    • And how do we apply the principles of its teachings to our modern context?
    • e.g. the apostles gave three commands to the early church: to avoid strangled meats, blood, and porneia. Most people no longer worry about the first two commands…and make assumptions about what the third one means.

Cultivating Discernment on Questions of Polyamory and the Bible

This is just a starting point for the whole list of questions, stories, examples, and biblical themes that we need to explore in order to have a discerning answer to the question of polyamory.

My goal is to approach these questions with curiosity and openness to what we can learn from a deeper understanding of the biblical passages and themes related to this topic.

Sunday (night) School this week will be my first go at unpacking the topic of polyamory. If you want join live and contribute some of your own questions and curiosity, send me a message.

I am interested to know what arguments you’ve heard, what references seem relevant, etc…

Leave a comment below with your thoughts, suggestions, resources, questions…

Note: the Bible class and this post are not good places to try to present your conclusion on whether monogamy/non-monogamy is a good or bad idea. (See this video on the importance of HOW we talk about questions like this). It is going to take me multiple weeks (and probably a book) to just introduce the questions we need to address for a comprehensive biblical framework on this topic. I don’t advise trying to pack this into a few paragraphs.