Why Christians are not Supposed to have Sexual Desires
Yesterday, I joined a live training with a Christian teacher who does his best to help men stop using porn. For many Christians, porn use is the bane of our existence as people of faith – because it is an action that contradicts our beliefs
…especially the belief that lust is a sin.
Combine this with the premise that Christians are not supposed to sin and you reach the obvious conclusions that Christians are not supposed to lust.
It’s a simple equation, really.
And if lust and sexual desire are the same thing, then voila! Christians are not supposed to have sexual desires.
hmmm?
The assumption that lust is a sin provided the whole basis of his teaching, and it is one that is impossible to uphold for several reasons: most importantly, because sex is not a sin.
Sexual Desire is Not a Sin
It would be hard for any Christian to argue that sex is a sin because God made sex. I would take this a step further and suggest that God created sexual desire as a good, beautiful, sacred part of the human experience.
The very first blessing pronounced upon the humans was one that honored and elevated the sexual experience to the heart of our human purpose.
“Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and rule it…”
Genesis 1:28
I will not expound upon the verse beyond noting that multiplication requires sexual reproduction, that “fruitfulness” is not just measured in terms of making babies, and that the blessing is one of identity rather than activity. If you want to dive into this passage more deeply, check out the chapter in my book “Sacred not Sinful” titled “The First Commandment.”
In short, sexual desire is not sinful.
Sexual Desire is not Lust (in the Bible)
When I first started looking into the meaning of lust in the New Testament, I was surprised to find that Jesus once said that he “lusted” for something. It was something good and beautiful that many of us still celebrate today. If you don’t believe me, check out Luke 22:15 to see what Jesus “greatly desired” (as we say in modern English).
Paul also wrote that “the spirit lusts against the flesh, and the flesh against the spirit” (see Galatians 5:17). He is not talking about the spirit having sexual desires in this context, but having desire generally. And these desires may be a good thing!
The book of 1 Timothy suggests that people may lust/desire to hold the office of a bishop (1 Timothy 3:1).
The word translated “desire” in this passage is the Greek term “epithumeia” which is used to refer to many different kinds of desire and is sometimes translated as “lust.”
Surprisingly, Strong’s Greek Concordance actually agrees with me on this one and sex does not even show up in their definition of epithumeia.
Lust and Sexual Desire
Lust is not the same thing as sexual desire, but it can influence an unhealthy response to sexual desire. Here’s an example:
“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality [porneia]; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God.”
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 (NIV):
This passage presents a choice the people had to express their sexuality in honorable ways, or to let their passionate lust lead the way. The verse is quite an insult to the “pagans.” In modern English, it basically means they couldn’t keep their pants on. They had no control over what they did…or at least did not choose to exercise it.
Instead of a beautiful and holy expression of sexuality, they let lust, rather than love drive their behavior.
Even so, lust was not the sin, simply part of the invitation to sin. I explore this concept more deeply in my book, which you can find at www.drkevinjenson.com or on my youtube channel.
Lust is not a Sin
When Christians think of the word lust, they often think of it in connection with sin. The term usually shows up in a negative light because desire is the source of much sinful behavior.
But each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
James 1:14-15 (NIV)
Epithumeia may draw us more deeply into the experience of love and peace, but it may also tempt us to do things we will later regret. Ultimately, the problem of lust is never the desire itself, it is our choice of how to respond.
In other words, lust/desire/epithumeia is not a sin, but it is possible to let desire overwhelm one’s sense of wisdom, truth, justice, integrity, etc. and fall into sin (aka. miss the mark of the life we want to live) – even when that desire is for something like a church leadership position.
It is possible to desire something and to want it so much that we are willing to sacrifice our integrity, peace, joy, happiness, or even love to get it. That doesn’t mean the desire was a problem. Simply, that we let it get the better of us.
We need to learn wisdom and how to carefully consider what it is that we desire. Desires may not be sinful, but they do not always lead us in helpful directions.
Conclusion
Because of confusion around the word lust and its use in the New Testament, the teacher I heard this evening made an easy mistake. He assumed that sexual desire and lust were the same thing…and that they were both sinful. I don’t think he would have said that sex is a sin, but you can revisit the opening equation of this post to see how the logic flows from “lust is a sin” to “sex is a sin.”
This assumption that lust is a sin turns out to be a very unhelpful starting point for changing sexual behaviors.
First, because sexual desire is not a sin.
Second, because sexual desire is not lust (at least not in the Bible).
Third, because lust is not a sin.
None of this means that using porn is a great idea. It just means we need to find a better sexual ethic to help us respond to our sexual desires in healthy ways.